No matter what surrounds us in the external world, the first thing we have to contend with, in every single action and interaction, is our own internal world. No matter the politics, the religion, the familial and social agendas, the taboos and licenses. These only SEEM to be what control us. What really controls us is us. So, how we see ourselves, what glasses we are looking through to see the world--well, that's everything. EVERYthing. The problem is those same politics, religions, familial and social agendas, taboos and licenses not only have defined us, but they have taught us that to find something other than their definition in ourselves is, at best, a well-guarded secret passage of mythical proportions and, at worst, a waste of time, for it simpy cannot be done.
When in the 60's and 70's the question "Who Am I?" began to be asked by young people, they were told by well-meaning, but misguided parents, "Who cares! Go get a JOB!" But slowly, we have begun, as a culture, to consider this concept of authenticity. With Oprah espousing the word "Authenticity" with sacred overtones, people, particularly women, have begun to wonder about this whole thing of being real.
But what is it, really, to be real? How do people begin to define real as opposed to all the other myriad voices inside their own heads? As a therapist, I've had many come into my office and say, as they described their habits and patterns of behavior and thought, "Well, that's just me!" But as we explore, what we find is that this is not "me" at all, but a mask and costume donned years ago in order to survive in families and societies that demanded it.
You see, most of us were brought up by parents, even the most functional ones, who said to us in some pretty potent but nonverbal ways, "Don't be who you are, be who we need you to be!" And as small children, completely dependent on our parents for survival, we did it. Even in those cases in which we rebeled against what they said they wanted, we were still living out some other pre- or non-verbal message we recieved from them. Rebellion against them became, then, the primary modis operandi--ergo, it was the mask and costume we donned in order to be able to participate in that particular family at that particular time.
We all knew, as infants and young children, just as young animals know, that our survival was absolutely dependent upon our care givers. Add to that the fact that as infants and young children we were looking everywhere throughout our environment for mirrors that would define us. That combination means that we would look to our environment to define us, because we both need definition and we need survival. And so, without even knowing we were doing it, we slipped on the most appropriate mask and costume and we wore it as our role in life. And we wore it. And we wore it. And we wore it. Until we had so identified with it that when we looked in the mirror, we saw the mask and costume and we said, "Yep, that's me!" So, later when someone asked us to tell them about ourselves we described the role's behaviors and thoughts and we said, "That's just me!"
That worked okay until one day we hit the inevitable wall. Some crisis came along for which the role would no longer "work." At that time we were being presented a choice by the Authentic Self: Either we were going to keep doing the same old thing harder, looking for different results (the definition of insanity), or we were going to have to do something different. And how does one do something different when one defines oneself by one's habits and patterns of behavior and thought? One has to start defining oneself differently.
And that is how the work of finding and living the Authentic Self begins.
Want to know more? Go to my website at http://www.andreamathewslpc.com/. There you may read more about authenticity and you may purchase my book: Restoring My Soul: A Workbook for Finding and Living the Authentic Self.
And stay tuned for more on exactly what roles we play and how they make themselves manifest.
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How does one come to know the difference between the Authentic Self and all of the other myriad voices in one's own head? How does one know when one is being real, as opposed to wearing a mask and costume so tightly bound to the skin that one doesn't even know one is wearing it? Here's why. Here's how.
Andrea
About Me
- Andrea
- has 25 years' experience in the mental health field, 10 of these in a thriving solo practice, working with individuals, couples, families and groups to assist them in finding and living the Authentic Self. Her recently published book, "Restoring My Soul: A Workbook for Finding and Living the Authentic Self" came directly out of her unique Transpersonal approach to psychotherapy. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Counseling Supervisor, with a Doctorate of Divinity in Metaphysical Pastoral Counseling, and a NBCC Approved Provider of Continuing Education. She is also a Reiki Master/Teacher and Astrological Counselor, using both techniques to provide a higher awareness of authenticity. Andrea is a dedicated, self-motivated and prolific writer, who spends at least four hours per day writing and who has written at least one book every year for the past several years. She has been the Editor of two small presses, published in several small literary presses and won several literary awards in poetry. Also a free-lance artist who enjoys singing and playing the guitar, Andrea says that music, art and writing are all a part of her own therapy.
